Random Thoughts

Introducing Brittany from the Zoo. I feel like it's been awhile since we had somebody from UMass as a smokeshow. I was beginning to think we used them all up. Glad to see they're still going strong.

Send all smokeshow nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports. The hotter the better.

Click for more of Brittany

Check out this website that some idiot hick radio station in Indianapolis built dedicated to hating the Patriots. So sad. But as long as long as we're king of the mountain the haters will continue to hate. It's when people stop making websites like these and dedicating their lives to our demise that I'll start to worry.

Reader Email

Just wanted to say I love the site, long time stoolie.

Wanted to know if you would be interested in checking out a blog and 
maybe throw a plug. The site is http://lunn65.blogspot.com there's 
been a lot of press about this guy, d lineman from uconn putting some 
of his thoughts out there and thought you may be interested. Guys a 
class act if it doesn't make it on barstool hope you enjoy all the same.

Don't give him too much shit for playin ball at uconn bosox fan all 
the same

Take care

I’m glad I got this email because I took a couple seconds to check this site out and it’s pretty cool especially if you like Uconn football.    I mean if I didn’t watch the Huskies play I’d actually think they ran the K Gun or something and were an exciting team to watch based on this guys blog.  Truth be told they may be the most boring team in the country.     Still it’s cool to hear what somebody who is actually on the field thinks about everything.  Plus he seems like the type of guy you would be buddies with.    So if you’re an UConn Husky fan I strongly recommend following their season through the eyes of the Big Fat White Guy.  On the negative side he had no clue what the Stool was.

ORANGE – A music teacher at El Modena High School was arrested this month after police investigated an allegation of sexual misconduct between her and a male student, police said. Carlie Rose Attebury, 29, of Orange, was arrested Oct. 13 at the Orange Police Department after detectives interviewed her about the allegations that were reported to them three days earlier, said Sgt. Dan Adams. Attebury was booked at the Orange County Jail on suspicion of lewd acts with a minor, Adams said.

This misconduct investigation is the second in four years involving staff at El Modena High. Former Principal Brent Bailey resigned in February 2007 after a misdemeanor charge against him alleging lewd conduct in public. Bailey, accused of trying to engage in lewd activities at a park in Fullerton, pleaded guilty in June 2007 and received three years' probation. Former band director Jason Cawelti was arrested on Dec. 5, 2003, on charges of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor. Cawelti pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual intercourse and oral copulation of a person younger than age 18 in June 2004. He was sentenced to 180 days in jail...

Let's all raise our batons for Miss Attebury! It's safe to say the band geeks at El Modena High are walking with a little spring in their step this morning. The kids carrying their violin cases are no doubt strutting past the jocks, stoners and preppy rich kids right now safe in the knowledge that they're the ones pulling the serious tail at El Mo. These kids have been getting more than any band since mid 90s Motley Crue. We can react in many ways to this story, but surprise is not one of them. The band room was always a notorious hot bed for uncontrolled hormones and rampant sexuality. I'm sure every time Miss Attebury offered to resin a kid's bow, showed the class how to blow into a piccolo or said "Woodwinds, up!" they knew what she was really getting at.

The Grades:
Looks: Since I've been tracking Sex Scandal Teachers, Carlie is the first one I've seen who actually looks like my teachers used to. Maybe it's the 70's hair. She's not walking-down-the-street hot. But for Weymouth South High back in the day, a smokeshow. Grade: B.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: Where's the salacious details? The lurid text messages? Nude photos? Sex in the WalMart parking lot? A really weak effort. Grade: D-.
Intangibles: She deserves a lot of credit, along with Mr. Cawelti, for making El Modena High the Band Teacher/Student Sex Capital of the US. They should change the team nickname to "The Skin Flutes." Grade: C.
Overall: Grade: D. Grade subject to change if more smutty details surface. In this class, extra credit is always available.

EVERETT, Mass. -- Some Everett residents are fed up with their neighbor's disturbing Halloween decorations.  Some said the decorations cross the line, but the homeowner said it's all in the spirit of the season. At the crossroads of Lynn and Estes streets, Nick Servideo's home is decorated with several scary decorations including a half of a body hanging on a cross, a guy with his guts coming out, and a Grim Reaper.  Servideo said this is what he does every October. His goal is to put the gory back into Halloween. "I think it is Halloween," Servideo said. "I think people putting up giant Winnie the Pooh and giant cats are getting away from the whole idea it's not about being cute. You got to get back to the scary stuff."A couple of neighbors want to see the garbage bags made to looks like people hanging from a tree taken down. They feel as though it is a racial statement.  One neighbor has filed a complaint with the NAACP, but Servideo said he didn't mean any harm. "Oh no, no, no. It is a trash bag. They come in green and black. We just thought the black looked scarier," he said.

Hey to each their own.   Some people want to make money.  Some people want to save the children. And some people want to “put the gore back into Halloween”.  Listen, I ain’t mad at him.  Enough of the cute little black cats and Winnie the Poo blowup dolls.   Halloween isn't all about candy and shaving cream. Let’s get back to the fucking basics and start scaring the piss out of people again!    I’m so jacked and pumped I could suffocate somebody  with one of those racist trash bags.

These shirts are so bad that even Kordell Stewart is insulted.

PS - I heard these two were Superfans and I'm not even joking.

Concord, NH-- Jonathan Perfetto, a repeat sex offender, left prison eight days ago. He's living in a Concord parking garage and spending his days at the city library. He never finished sex offender treatment in prison, and he has no one supervising him. Perfetto's biggest fear, he says, is that he's going to reoffend. His measure of success isn't reassuring. "I haven't bought pornography yet, and I've been out (of prison) almost a week," he said yesterday.

In the article, Jonathan admits to the following offenses:

• Molesting " a young relative"
• Sexually molesting or assaulting three women in one year
• Molesting a woman at a homeless shelter
• Getting caught "Fooling around" with his retarded girlfriend
• Assaulting a woman when "I goosed her, and then when I reached for some bread (at the table), my hand touched her chest."
• Fighting with hospital staff when they said he couldn't have a PB & J sandwhich before dinner. "I flipped out," he says
• Having child porn on his laptop. "I thought, 'I'm not molesting anyone, but I can look at the pictures.' I can have my cake and eat it, too."
• Sexually assaulting someone in prison.

For starters, I'm making a mental note to avoid taking the kids Trick or Treating at the Concord, NH municipal parking garage, just in case I was tempeted to. Second, I'm surprised a good looking cat like him would have to resort to this stuff to git himself some. You look at a moustache like that and the first words that pops into your head are "Babe Magnet," not "Child Molestor." And while like all of you I'm in favor of turning the key on this guy and swallowing it, you have to at least give him credit for one thing. He's gone an entire week without looking at porn? Is there another man among us who can admit to doing the same? Ever? That of course is assuming he's being honest about this and the computers at the library aren't full of kiddie porn as we speak. But Jonathan gets the benefit of the doubt from me because if he'll admit to all of the above to a newspaper reporter, really what's left to lie about?

Lastly, for the record, Jonathan is exactly how I picture the typical Barstool reader.

NYPOST - Elsewhere at the Santa Anita track, Jamie-Lynn Sigler was gushing to girlfriends in a bathroom about her new love interest, Jerry Ferrara, who plays Turtle on HBO's "Entourage." The two met when Sigler played herself on last Sunday's episode, where she lambasted Turtle for telling his friends how he'd "scored Meadow Soprano" on an airplane. In real life, it's definitely more than a one-flight stand.

You have to be shitting me.   Turtle is fucking Jamie Lynn Sigler in real life?That’s impossible.  I mean I was having a hard time dealing with the fact she jerked him of on Entourage and that’s fake.  But this is even more ridiculous.     Let me put it this way.  If Turtle is banging Meadow Soprano for real then I’m going to fuck the hottest chick at our Halloween Party and we all know that ain’t happening.   Anyway I’m curious what the Stoolies think.  What is more unrealistic?  Turtle getting a hand job from Meadow Soprano on Entourage or Turtle fucking Meadow Soprano in real life?

Vote 1 for Entourage is more unrealistic and 10 for real life is more unrealistic.

Reader Email:

El Pres,

Have a look at this link http://www.posttimeusa.com/Portals/16/v34%20number%202/PT2_07Page80.pdf

That is Maylan Studart, new to the jockey colony at Aqueduct, which had it's opening day this afternoon.  Maylan had a mount in the 7th and came home first under the wire with 50-1 shot "Decorated Court ".  Paid $104 to win.  Not too shabby.  Better than looking at Eibar Coa, I'll say that much.

Big Mike

Well once again The Stool is here to break news in the world of up-and-coming smokeshows in the world of quasi-sports. First it was Allison Stokke in track and field, now it's this chick in horse racing. However unlike the Stokkeshow, this woman is safely over the wire at 19 so everybody, including her father, can relax. But just look at her - as emailer “Big Mike” points out, that ain’t no Eibar Coa.  The future Maylan Studart-Manzo has the potential to revolutionize horse racing more than Seabiscuit and the stop watch ever did. Especially if she keeps taking home 50-1 shots. Anyway, make sure you click the link in the email for one of the great ass shots of the century, and even more importantly – make sure you sign up with our friends at TVG.com to bet on today’s card from Aqueduct. Maylan's first of 4 mounts is on the 8 horse in the 2nd race - Climb to the Stars.

Do me a favor and cue the fucking duckboats already.   Seriously this is almost unfair.   The Pats are already good enough without having a pipeline to Israel.   Now every great Jew football player in the world is going to want to play for us.  You can forget about Texas and Florida.  The real speed and talent comes from Jerusalem and now we own it.       Once again Bob Kraft is playing chess while everybody else is playing checkers.  

First of all, I'm not even sure the Phillies winning the World Series counts since they won it in a 4 inning game, but this video is still pretty funny. Philly fans think their so tough, but this guy takes one little Grey Goose bottle to the head and falls off the pole like a little pussy. Riot like a man!

PS - I must admit I'm surprised that Philly is still standing today. I thought I'd wake up to find the city engulfed in flames as opposed to this grab ass stuff...

- kudos to busted coverage for finding this video and photo. That is solid interet work

Golf.com - When you hear the words "Hooters," "John Daly" and "extremely intoxicated" in the same sentence, you know where this story is going. In the latest chapter of Daly's longtime struggle with alcohol abuse, Daly was held overnight in a North Carolina jail after passing out at a Hooters restaurant, according to Winston-Salem police.  According to police, Daly "appeared extremely intoxicated and uncooperative." Daly again refused to go to the hospital and was eventually asked to leave by Hooters employees, police said.

If I was John Daly I’d be fucking bullshit right now.  I mean if anybody has earned the right to get belligerently drunk and pass out on the floor of Hooters without people calling the cops on him or asking him to leave it’s him.  Seriously you would have thought this was Jerry Thornton or something the way they treated him.  It’s just sad to see a man who has been a role model for so many embarrassed like this.   Hooters should be ashamed of themselves.   Let the man sleep it off on the floor.  Is that too much to ask?

Don't forget our Halloween Party is Tomorrow Night at Jose Mac's. You must be in Costume to get in!

More damsels in distress like Miss Love Hewitt here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com

Halloween Bonuses: Last year's Wake Up with Elvira and the Girls of Friday the 13th...