Random Thoughts

Paul Pierce. Best player in the league. Period. Kobe and Lebron can talk about being the best, but Paul will just keep on being the best. That's fine by me.

Introducing Virginia from Jamestown RI.    Bottom line is that when your first name is a state you have like a 84% chance of being a smokeshow.

Do you know any girls who are worthy of being deemed a smokeshow?  Send them our way at randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

click for more of Virginia

Rumor on the street is that Bald Eagle hood ornaments go for thousands on the black market

- Thanks to Ian for the photo

(Ashleymadison.com already review by the stool a year ago) 

I'm not sure why but this picture of Mariah's side boob is making my dick shrivel. Does that mean I'm gay or is this not hot to everybody? This calls for a vote.

Vote 1 for your dick shriveled and 10 for it's hot

I’m sure the Celtics don’t need any motivation to beat the 6-0 Hawks tonight, but I think a refresher on last year’s 7-game playoff series will do us all some good.

Mike Bibby got things started by calling us fair-weather fans. Red’s Army responded by calling for the “Rondo’s Better” chant and the fans delivered. Bibby proceeded to suck the entire series.

The Hawks tried to act tough. There was Josh Smith’s hard foul on Paul Pierce in Game 2. And then in Game 3, Al Horford hit a couple of big shots in the Hawks win and felt obliged to talk trash with Paul Pierce. The Truthresponded with a “gang sign” which resulted in a $25K fine.

Game 4 brought the Zaza Pachulia headbutt on KG….which lead to Garnett tossing aside a referee. The Hawks won the game thanks to a crazy-hot Joe Johnson, but at least KG wasn’t suspended.

Game 5 was another Celtics blowout win at the Garden. It was also a momentous occasion because John and I sat in TD Banknorth’s luxury box.

My head nearly exploded during Game 6.

And in Game 7, the Celtics squeaked out a 34 point victory…highlited by a KG-throat slash gesture after a vicious dunk and this awesome quote: “Atlanta wanted it, this is what you get.”

So there you have it, a recap of last year’s wild playoff series with the Hawks. If tonight’s game has 1/10th the intensity, we’ll be in for a real treat.

- Red's Army

NYPost.com - A source told the Chicago Sun-Times that the kabbalah-worshipping Material Mom is in love with Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez, saying he "has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body."

Arod has "the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body"? Are we sure Madonna wasn't talking about Leaping Lanny Poffo here?

PS - I can't stop patting myself on the back for that Leaping Lanny Poffo line. That's why I get paid the big bucks.

MALDEN, Mass. -- A national magazine recently honored the city of Malden. Business Week magazine named the city of six-miles north of Boston as the best place in the state to raise a family  The magazine cites school performance, safety, amenities, and affordability as the criteria used in their selection of the town.  Many people across the state, even residents of the city were surprised by the honor, but they could see why the city was recognized. Weymouth and Cambridge were named runners up in the category.

Malden is the best city in the state to raise a family?  Since when? I mean we’re talking about Malden MA right?  Listen I got nothing against Malden.   That’s where my dad grew up and I’m sure it seems like Beverly Hills compared to Roxbury and Lynn, but I’d rather live in Hingham, Westwood, Dorchester, Newton and about a million other towns before the home of the Golden Tornados.    I mean even Malden people were like what the fuck?  Oh well.  It looks like we can throw Business Week into the ever expanding category of publications the Stool has more credibility then.

LARGO, Fla.—A Pinellas County detention deputy was suspended for using the sound of his stun gun to try and wake up an inmate. According to an internal affairs report, the deputy thought the crackling sound of his Taser would rouse an inmate on July 27. It did not. The inmate had fallen asleep on the floor of the jail's intake section. The deputy, a three-year veteran, received a 15-day suspension. His punishment also includes a charge of misconduct for falsifying a report.

Again we’ve never claimed to be legal scholars here, but I’m confused.  First of all the guy didn’t even wake up.  He’s probably still sleeping for all we know.  Plus, how is using the sound of a Taser to wake somebody up against the rules?  Maybe the prisoner wasn’t a “morning person” so the cop was justified.  I mean it’s not like he actually Tased him, which would've been a problem. Whatever the case, there’s plenty of worse ways to get woken up in jail.  A nightstick up the ass is not exactly how you want to say "rise and shine".

Our 4^th Annual 25 Sexiest Bartender and Waitress Glossy Magazine is coming out 1 week from today.   The launch party for it is November 19^th at Gypsy Bar.  I tried to get Mr. Belding to host it, but he was unavailable.  (not joking)  Anyway this will be the first time anybody gets to see the magazine including all the girls and it’s the best spot to pick up your copies.    Doors open at 9pm.     This is also the last Barstool Party of the year so come help us celebrate another year of staying in business.    And as always we appreciate your support. We hope to see everybody there.   Per usual girls will get to cut the line.  Other than that it is first come first serve.

PS - If the website for this event doesn't get you in the mood to party then nothing well. The soundtrack is HOT!

I got to admit I'm a little bit disappointed with this rant. I kind of thought he'd be more fired up for this game. In fact if Steve B erases this video and does another one before game time, I won't hold it against him. Sure he increased the Jets predicted margin of victory from 3 to 14, but you could tell he doesn't believe what he's saying. And how could he? I mean anybody with half a brain knows there is no way in hell the Pats lose on Thursday. It's going to be the classic 10 to 14pt Patriot victory that feels more like a 40 point win.

PS - Just a reminder, per usual All Rights Are Reserved with Steve B videos.

(Welcome to Dorchester...Tell me how my ass tastes)

Wikipedia.com - Portnoy currently resides with his fianćee, frequently referred to as "The First Lady", in the basement of her parents' Abington, MA home. They have two pink poodles named Nomar and Manny.

Ok it’s time for somebody to edit our wikipeida page because it is full of misinformation.  I don’t fucking live in Abington anymore.   That was so last week.   Yup, the First Family of Smut has officially moved from my girlfriend’s mom’s house in Abington to the upscale metropolis known as Dorchester.   Who says I don’t give the First Lady the finer things in life?   And so far I have nothing but rave reviews for this often misunderstood city.   Sure I saw a guy with one leg get arrested at Rite Aide for shoplifting and somebody smashed my car window on the first night we were in town, but I just chalked that up to the neighbors trying to make us feel welcome in our new home.    Plus who wouldn’t steal my Ipod when given the opportunity.  That play list is worth millions in Lionel Ritchie tunes alone.    So for all you pussies still living in the burbs and not worrying about getting mugged or robbed that’s cool.  But that’s not for me.   I like walking to my car wondering whether it will still be there and shit like that.    Listen life is too short to play it safe.  Bottom line is I’m a Dot Rat guy now and proud of it.    So for all you Stoolies who have nothing better than to make fun of me for living in my girlfriend’s mom’s basement looks like it’s time to move onto joke #2.

PS – The Astrovan is strutting around like a peacock ever since we moved.  Suddenly it’s the Rolls Royce of our block.

(Daniel Larusso my ass)

Variety - Columbia Pictures is back in the dojo with a new version of the 1984 hit "The Karate Kid," which has been refashioned as a star vehicle for Jaden Smith. The script is being written by Chris Murphy, and the film will shoot next year in Beijing and other cities. While the new film will be set in that exotic locale, it will borrow elements of the original plot, wherein a bullied youth learns to stand up for himself with the help of an eccentric mentor.

This makes no sense to me on any level.   Ok, Will Smith’s kid wants to make a karate movie.  That’s cool.  I have no problem with that.  But what the fuck does that have to do with the Karate Kid?   I mean Jaden Smith is like 3 years old.   How is he going to fight William Zabka who I’m just assuming will reprise his role as Johnny Lawrence and will be like 40 by the time this movie comes out?   It’s a total mismatch.    Even Hollywood and all their fancy special effects won’t be able to pull this one off.    Plus there is no way Johnny Lawrence falls for the crane kick two times in a row.

We had at least 20 emails after the Bills game asking if we had any pictures of the Bills Midget Waterboy.   Well luckily a reader finally sent in this photo of him manhandling 3 cups of Gatorade.   Keep in mind that’s like a normal guy carrying 9 cups at once.  Pretty fucking impressive.   I bet this guy pulls a ton of midget ass and maybe even gets some full grown pussy with a gig like this.   Anyway this is just the latest example of how far we’ve come in America.  First we elect a black man as President and now a dwarf is succeeding in the work of Professional Sports.   Land of opportunity indeed.

- Thanks to Mark for the photo

click here for more of Leighton Meester....XOXO

Send all wake up nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com. But before you do please use the google search bar our website and make sure we haven't already done your chick....