Random Thoughts

It was all Bruins all the time vs. our arch rivals tonight. The B's dominated play from the opening faceoff to the final horn. And in other news "Princess the Camel" jinxed the Pats as they lost a heart breaker to the Jets despite Matt Cassel throwing for 9 million yards.

I've never been more confident about a game in my life. I can't believe we're only a 3 pt favorite. There is no shot in hell we lose this game. Keep in mind we're the Patriots and their the Jets. You do the math.

Ok the matchups have been set for the Great 8 of the Sexiest Halloween Costume in Boston contest and voting is underway. Personally I am stunned that Courtney #1 is elimated. That's who I had my money on, but I didn't want to publicly endorse any of the candidates for the sake of fairness. Now that she's playing golf it's a wide open tournament.

Matchup 1 - Cynthia vs. Courtney #2

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Matchup #2 KellyAnn vs. Arielle

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Matchup #3 - Brittany Vs. Jenny

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Matchup #4 - Amelia vs. Ellen

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Did anyone else catch Ty Warren's interview on 'EEI Monday? In the middle of the conversation he was asked about the game against the Jets tonight and said "Well, we got Fredo coming in..." (Click here for the quote, 18:20 in.)

Fredo? Warren comparing Eric Mangini to Fredo Corleone? My first reaction to this is that I'm fundamentally offended by this. Honestly, this offends me to the core. Because how the hell did I not think of this first? I mean, this is all I do. I write about the Patriots, blog about old wrongs done to them and watch movies. How did I miss this analogy? It was such low-hanging fruit I'm embarrassed I didn't come up with it. It's perfect. Mangini betrayed his mentor. He's incompetent. He's a bumbling idiot. It's not a stretch to picture him saying "I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like DUMB!... I'm smart and I want RESPECT!!!"

Here's Ty Warren, who's got Damien Woody, Brandon Moore and Thomas Jones to worry about this week, and still he manages to do my job better than I do. Now hopefully tonight Warren will take Fredo out into the middle of Lake Tahoe and settle all the Patriots family business. See what I could've done with this? I wish I'd thought of it first.

MiamiHerald - A Miami-Dade jury has awarded almost $1.2 million to a 21-year-old man hit in the groin by a batting-cage pitch. The jury decided last week that the Sluggers batting cage operation at Tamiami Park in West Miami-Dade negligently failed to properly supervise its employees. Lhyvann Felipe, who was 19 years old at the time, was hit in the groin by a 60 mph pitch, said his attorney, Gabriel M. Sanchez. He was hospitalized several days later. The ball struck him after an employee asked him to go back into the batting cage to help pick up the balls. The machine, which had already completed the cycle and did not have the lights on, spit out the ball, which hit him.

Ordinarily I’d say this is an open and shut case.   The light went off and then the kid got smashed in the junk by an errant pitch.   Game, set, match.  But the thing I’m losing sleep over is why did this kid get back in the cage to help pick up the balls in the first place?  This wasn’t a high school practice right?  Everybody knows how batting cages work.  You put your coin in the machine.  Light comes on.  You hit.   Light goes off.  You leave the cage.   Once you re-enter the cage to clean up, I’m pretty sure all the aforementioned rules go out the window.   So if you get beamed at that point you’re on your own.   In fact I’d almost argue that the kid deserved the get his junk demolished for agreeing to help clean up in the first place.     What kind of idiot does that?    Seriously I should have been a lawyer.

Dear Barstool Sports,

My roommates and I were checking out Barstool Sports a couple days ago and came across the BC beer wall. We couldn't help but laugh at the impracticality of their artistic effort. That beer wall though interesting in design and impressive in size can only last so long before some drunk stumbles into it and they are left with 1060 beer cans to pick up. Here at Northeastern we also turned our addictive habit into a display of school spirit but a lasting one. This is our tin table (pictures attached). It is made from 350 tins dip, broken hockey sticks ranging from old school wood Sherwood to composite and a plexiglas cover measuring 6'x3'. The tins spell out NU in the middle. The tins were all used in our apartment last year by the three of us and friends we had over. We estimate the cost of the tobacco to be about $1,750 and the building materials were about $215. We were wondering if you would put our table against their beer wall to see which one our fellow readers liked more. Thanks again.

-Mike

Quick question.  Were you on acid when you put this thing together?    Because say whatever you want about the BC Beer wall, but at least you could read it without getting a fucking headache.  Listen I don’t want to give life advice, but I think you should stick with rioting and leave the artsy shit to the BC students.

I knew BrettFavre has been a top tier NFL quarterback for the last 18 years, but shame on me for not realizing he's a "Hero." Silly me. Until now I thought heroes were soldiers and first responders and people who risk their necks to protect others, but I stand corrected. See, BrettFavre is a "Hero" because he has a "Gift" and "Powers." And I also mistakenly thought the Patriots were the Team of the Decade, but now I learn they're just the heroic BrettFavre's "Rivals." I guess I need to adjust my thinking. And another thing I learned from this is that apparently John Madden is writing and directing commercials for NFL Network. Now you'll have to excuse me while I go throw up in my mouth.

"Quick somebody call 912!"

- Thanks to Ralph for the pic

LACEY TOWNSHIP, N.J. – Despite Brett Favre and a three-game winning streak, the New York Jets don't have what it takes to finally get over the hump and pass the New England Patriots atop the AFC East. That's according to a pigskin-picking camel named Princess who is a perfect 10-0 so far this year in handicapping NFL games. She also rightly predicted that the Pats would fall to the New York Giants in the Super Bowl last February. "If I was a gambling man, I'd look to Princess before I placed a bet," said John Bergmann, general manager of Popcorn Park Zoo, where the 2,600-pound Bactrian camel has lived since 2004. Bergmann will choose a game at random, place a graham cracker in each hand, and use a permanent marker to scrawl the name of a competing team on each hand. Whichever hand Princess nibbles from is her "pick" for that week.Last season, Princess went 11-6, a .647 winning percentage. (Since she never quite got the hang of points spreads, Princess picks the games straight-up, just choosing the winner.)

Dude who fucking cares what a camel thinks?   Like people are suddenly going to go out and bet on the Pats tonight because Princess said so.  Nobody is that stupid.  Instead go out and bet on the Pats because I said so.   Yup tonight is the 2^nd  Steam game in the history of the Stool.  The last one was vs. the Broncos and we all know what happened then.  And unlike this pussy camel I’m picking vs. the spread.   None of this just picking who wins the game bullshit.   I mean what camel can’t do that?  So do me a favor and call me when Princess goes .647 vs. the spread and then I’ll start paying attention.

El Pres Steam Game - Pats -3.5

Princess the Camel Pussy Pick - Pats Money Line

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Man this is a tough one to call. But I think I'm going to have to go with the dude here because I'm pretty sure he suffered some internal damage. I mean that looked like a broken tail bone on the slow motion replay. He's probably still on an IV. Meanwhile that fat chick had plenty of cushion to pad her fall and probably just walked away with a bruised ass and bruised ego.

Vote 1 for the chick got owned more and 10 for the kid

Idaho-- A former Blaine County woman has been charged with eight crimes—five of them felonies—following alleged altercations on Halloween night at The Mint nightclub in Hailey and later at the Blaine County Jail. Forty-one-year-old Lori M. Brutsche-Ely...is charged with four felony counts of battery against police officers or jailers, another felony for allegedly destroying jail equipment, and misdemeanor charges of battery, indecent exposure and malicious injury to property.

Hailey police were called to The Mint nightclub on Main Street on reports of a woman stealing beer from other patrons, exposing herself to the band, trying to start fights and refusing to leave the establishment... Brutsche-Ely, [was] completely unclothed, outside and in front of the nightclub yelling at Mint security personnel and patrons who had followed the fracas outside... While in a holding cell, Brutsche-Ely allegedly broke a sprinkler head by striking it with a folded blanket, flooding the cell... She also allegedly battered jailer Laura Bowling by "slapping the victim's face and grabbing and pulling her hair." She also allegedly battered Sgt. Curtis Miller. "We were still trying to control the female when I felt pain in my left shoulder," Miller wrote in a probable cause affidavit. "I looked and observed the woman biting me."

Everybody you know has a Bad Cop story. And it's true that these guys are human beings and just as vulnerable to being corrupted by their power as any of us. Still I try to cut them slack because this is the kind of mess they have to clean up. On the odd chance you or I see a hideous wretch like this standing outstide a club naked, we can move on, chuckle about it ,and get down to the business of repressing the memory. The boys in the Thin Blue Line don't have that luxury. Think about that the next time you have a bad day at work. On another note, if you're the kind of band that gets flashed by the likes of Lori M. Brutsche-Ely, it's time to start playing weddings or better yet, quitting altogether.

Paul Pierce is clutch and KG is the emotional viagra for this team. I wasn't surprised to witness this last night and I just about expect it the rest of the season. Look, the Hawks are a damn good team. But let's not crown these fuckers as contenders just yet. Yes, I know Josh Smith didn't play last night and Zaza Pachulia missed the second half with I'm scared of Perk-itis. And they got into Boston late after playing Chicago the night before. Am I forgetting any more excuses? This shit happens to every team through the course of a season. Atlanta is a good young team several years away from being a legit threat...period.

Not to mention Atlanta shot their asses off last night. I'll bet they don't shoot that well from three-point territory again this season. Maurice Evans played the game of his journeyman career. Marvin Williams 4-4 from 3s? Give them Josh Smith and Zaza and take away that insane shooting...and the Celtics still win.

I have a small gripe with Doc Rivers. I realize that he typically leaves KG on the bench for several minutes of the 4th quarter, but Garnett didn't re-enter the game until the 4:56 mark last night. Way too late. Did you notice what happened when KG came back in? The Celtics started to take control. Had he come in just two minutes earlier....maybe we wouldn't have needed a Pierce fade-away to win it. (For those Doc lovers, my partner is blowing him for the play-call on the final possession.)

Can we stop referring to Paul Pierce as Superman? I know KG says it, but the media (myself included until this point) is going overboard. It's tired, cliche and already belongs to Shaq and Dwight Howard. Stick with the Truth...or the Mother Fuckin' Truth as I prefer.

Chuck - Red's Army

Another day and another former smokeshow/cover model in some contest where she needs the Stoolies support.  This time it’s Lauren from Bridgewater State going for the coveted crown of Playboy’s Special Edition’s Model of the Year.  This must be how a dad feels when their kid hits their first HR in Little League.  I’m so proud I could cry.   Anyway just in case you were interested in what Lauren looked like naked here is a link to her photos in all her glory.  (OBVIOUSLY PICS NOT SAFE FOR WORK)     

To vote for Lauren in this contest click here.   And this link is surprisingly safe for work. 

And if you come to our 25 Sexiest Party next Wednesday at Gypsy Bar be sure to tell Lauren her tits looked smoking in Playboy. It would just be rude to do otherwise.

I'm not quite sure what's going on here. Is David Ortiz starting his own team or something? Regardless it was pretty funny stuff.

- Thanks to Jared who shot this video himself for sending it to us

NY Post: Deep down in their souls, the Jets believe they're a better team now than the Patriots. Deep down, they know they're better. One Jets offensive player, who spoke under the condition of anonymity because he didn't want to provide bulletin board fodder for the Patriots, talked about being "sick to our stomachs" about the Jets' 19-10 loss in Week 2 at the Meadowlands. He felt the Patriots were vulnerable - particularly on defense. Not to mention it was the first game with Matt Cassel at quarterback, after Tom Brady was injured in Week 1 vs. the Chiefs.

The player spoke matter-of-factly about how "slow" and "old" a number of the New England defenders are and how he believes the Jets should be able to put up "a lot of points" on them tonight.

I got an email recently from a reader wondering why I wasn't doing the "Bulletin Board Fodder Friday" bit that became a regular feature last season. The reason was simple. Last year while the Pats were bestriding the narrow world like a colossus and crushing the rest of the NFL under their cleats, ripping the Patriots became more popular than porn on the internet. They were called cheaters, score-runner-uppers, classless... they were slandered, libeled and called words you never heard in the bible. This year for the most part that all went by the boards seven minutes into Game 1 when the World's Most Important Knee got hurt. In an instant the Pats went from the Death Star of the NFL to actual, plucky underdogs. Their ability to win was questioned... legitimately I suppose... but with the exception of a couple of potshots directed at Belichick, the Pats were no longer being called history's greatest monsters. There were no Anthony Smith's guaranteeing victory. They weren't being called frauds.

Until now. Thank you, Jets. And thank you, Brett Fav- uh, I mean... "Jets offensive player, who spoke under the condition of anonymity." From one Patriots fan who's going to the game tonight and was legitimately worried that the Pats would find themselves undermanned tonight and maybe let a huge game slip away from them... thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so stupid, reckless and "classless" to pop off like this. And again, for all those jerkoffs who love to hate the Patriots, can you cite for me one example, just ONE, of a Pats player saying something like this? And again, if someone could post this in the home locker room at Gillette this afternoon, we'd be much obliged.

This chick is tough as nails. I mean that was no ordinary fall she took. She literally fucking smashed her face into the ground as hard as you can and was back up before I even knew she went down. I just hope somebody picked up her teeth off the track for her. Either way that was pretty fucking impressive.

Click for more of Nadine Velazquez

Waking up with hot chicks is over rated. Instead you get to wake up with me on the FNX morning show every Thursday at 9:30. In fact this is my third week doing it already. Trust me when I say it's 5 minutes of pure adrenaline. You can listen to it live by clicking here. And just in case you couldn't wait I included the audio from last week's show.

PS - For all you perverts out there, the real wake up will be posted within 20 seconds of me hanging up from this call. That's how we do it at the Stool. We do it fucking live!