Random Thoughts

I’m sure the Superfans are sitting around breathlessly waiting for me to talk about tomorrow’s ACC championship game so I don’t want to disappoint them.   I’ve been thinking a lot about this today and I’ve come to the conclusion that BC should just forfeit.   Yeah I know what’s at stake.   It’s a berth in the Orange Bowl and millions and millions of dollars.  I get it.  But you know what else is on the line?  The distinction of playing in the worst BCS bowl game of all time.  Because make no mistake about it that’s just what BC vs. Cincinnati would be. I mean not even the Meineke Care Care Bowl would agree to host such a boring game.  And unlike past BC Bowl games that nobody watched, this one will be on display for the world to see.  I’m telling you win or lose, this will set the program back a decade.   Honestly who would ever want to go to BC after watching this game? So as a friend of the program I’m telling the Superfans that they need to forfeit tomorrow.  Because if they don’t I see them winning by 7 and securing their place in college football infamy and ruining any chance of winning a real BCS game down the road.

Final Score BC 24 – 17

Politico - The WaPo today obtained this lovely photo of Obama's speechwriter, Jon Favreau, which was posted on Facebook. Of course now all photos of Favreau are - poof! - gone, but alas, not before this minor offense made its way to the surface.  You knew it was going to happen....The charming, nice and fun Favreau, 27, has long been touted as a huge rising star - and not just because he shares a name with a famous actor.  (Also fun fact: he was the valedictorian at College of the Holy Cross.) Still, it's been reported that Favreau has reached out to Clinton to apologize.

I can't say I didn't see this one coming. After all nothing screams party animal like wearing an "Obama Staff" shirt. Who said politicians have no sense of humor? Aww, who am I kidding? The only reason I posted this was because I just wanted an excuse to post one of my favorite videos of all time from on the Stool. I'm obviously talking about when the VP of USC went fucking bonkers because people put balloons in his office while he was out doing God's work at some conference. Still a top 10 video of all time in my humble opinion. "Who is going to pay for the air!"

New Brunswick, N.J. (CBS)- A high school drama teacher is under arrest accused of creating a real-life drama that could land her in prison. Lisa Glide, 35, is charged with the sexual assault of a 17-year-old student at Old Bridge High School. The drama teacher was being held at the county jail where she's accused of having a sexual affair with one of her students. "I was shocked because I knew this teacher and she was great," said Corey O'Neill, a student at the school. Students told CBS 2 Glide is a respected drama teacher who never seemed flirtatious with the male students who walked the halls. "She was nice, she was a really nice lady and she really loved what she did and she was really nice to all of us," said Aliese Keyzawski. But prosecutors say Glide was a little too nice to a student last year, who tells police he had an ongoing affair with the single teacher that began in February.

"Are you serious? That's disgusting. I'm appalled," said Charlie Poppiti, who has a child that attends the school. While some parents didn't want to believe the allegations, others wanted action.

I'm going to have to break a personal rule of mine and use the expression "That's what I'm talkin' about!" Sorry about that, but there's no other rational way to react to Miss Glide. Just from that look in her eye you can tell that not only does she have a banging body, but that the 17 year old in question got the sexual ride of his life. He ought to marry her now or else take his own life because it's all going to be downhill from here. He'll be one of those sad, pathetic people who's best days are behind him, like some former child star. But can the students and parents of Old Bridge High knock it off with the righteous indignation? Like that look on her face and the fact that she flirted with "the male students who walked the halls" didn't scream out "I'm holding auditions for the male lead in my new production of 'Miss Glide's Latest Sexual Conquest'. " Charlie Poppiti is just "digusted" and "appalled" that his kid didn't get the call back.

The Grades:
Looks: Lisa definitely cracks the all time Sex Teacher Starting Lineup. Grade: A+.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: The only thing keeping her sexual GPA down. For sexually predatory teachers, 17 is the new 20. And where's the naked cell phone pictures? Sex on the school grounds? Hopefully new details will emerge, but for now it's just a Grade: C.
Intangibles: Her nickname? How about Lisa "Astro" Glide. Grade: B.
Overall: A-. This score is very much weighted by looks. But if we get a few more salacious details, she can absolutely become the stuff of legend. (Thanks to Michael L. and Sam B. for the story.)

Palm Coast - A Palm Coast couple was arrested Tuesday after a CD showing pictures of a 40-year-old woman having sex with dogs that she adopted from the humane society was turned over to authorities, deputies said. David Maldonado, 42, and his wife, Carla Maldonado, 40, were arrested on charges of lewd and lascivious battery and contributing to the delinquency of a minor in connection with an incident that occurred four years ago. Investigators have stated that the disc also contained 16 photographs of Carla Maldonado engaged in sexual activity with a 15-year-old female who was an acquaintance with the family. David Maldonado photographed the sex acts, according to investigators. Both Carla and David Maldonado were charged with providing the victim alcohol and encouraging the participation in the sex acts. Sheriff's investigators said the victim is now 19 years old. Anyone who thinks they may have been victimized by this couple is urged to contact the Flagler County Sheriff's Office.

Hmm, I have a quick question.  Can I contact the Flagler County Sheriff’s office because I’m pretty sure being forced to read this story counts as being victimized by this couple.    Anyway you got to feel for these dogs.   I mean it’s bad enough to get raped by good looking humans.  But ugly ones?  That’s like a double whammy.    Somewhere in a dark alley the Candy Man, Candy Maldonado weeps.

Reader Email

ALLENTOWN, Pa.—A woman is suing a Pennsylvania sports bar and restaurant, saying she got stuck inside a toilet bowl for 20 minutes after the seat broke. Kathleen Hewko of Delran Township, N.J., says she was in the bathroom at Starters Pub near Allentown when the handicapped toilet seat she was sitting on cracked and dumped her into the bowl. Hewko says in her lawsuit filed in federal court in November that she had hip surgery prior to the Nov. 19, 2006, incident and was re-injured when the seat broke.

Another day and another sad fat bitch story.  Now I know what you’re thinking.  “Hey Pres, how do you know this chick is fat if there is no picture of her?”   Well you don’t have to be inspector gadget to figure this one out.  I mean let’s look at the facts here;  

1.     The chick had hip surgery because her body couldn’t support her massive frame.  

2.    She used the handicap bathroom to take a dump at a sports bar.   

3.    She’s from Pittsburgh

4.    She cracked the toilet bowl

5.    She got stuck in the toilet for 20 minutes

6.    She’s now suing the Sports Bar

Any questions? Seriously this is like page 1 of the fat bitch playbook.   Never take responsibility for your fatness.  Just blame everybody else and then hunker down and eat some more wings.    I honestly don’t know how these animals live with themselves.    Honey you just broke a handicapped toilet and then got stuck in it for 20 minutes.  It’s not time to sue.  It’s time to get lipo, hit the gym or kill yourself.

Gordon Edes on Yahoo - Alex Rodriguez, who nearly sat out the inaugural World Baseball Classic because he did not want to choose between playing for his native United States or the Dominican Republic, the country of his parents’ birth, is changing uniforms for the 2009 Classic. The New York Yankees’ third baseman... plans to play for the Dominican Republic this spring, according to Dominican slugger David Ortiz of the Boston Red Sox... “He wants to play for the Dominican team,” Ortiz said... that as far back as the All-Star Game last July in New York, he said A-Rod had expressed a desire to play for the Dominican Republic.

OK, so ARod, who was born in New York City, and therefore by every legal definition is and always was a US citizen, is going to represent a foreign country in the WBC. So the guy who every Yankee fan will tell you isn't a true Yankee isn't even a true American. Apparently ARod's country of origin hasn't done enough for him, so he's off to fight for the enemy. I'll admit neither I nor anyone else gives a tuppenny damn about the WBC. So doesn't that make it even odder that he'd go sign on to play for some other country? To further destroy his reputation in some useless tournament no one cares about? I mean, Benedict Arnold had his reasons for being a turncoat during the Revolution. This WBC business is like ARod turning traitor during the invasion of Grenada. I'd compare him abandoning the US for the Dominican to him dumping Cynthia for Madonna, except I've been to the DR and it's a beautful country and not at all grotesque like Madonna. There's no word yet from Rodriquez about his plans for after the tournament, but don't be surprised if they involve taking a dump on the statue of Lincoln and wiping his ass with Old Glory.

Click here for the answer

No Sturm. No Ward. No Wideman (late injury scratch). No game in five days. No problem.

With half of the defense corps having started the season Providence, the Bruins organization continued with their Pats-like ability to plug holes at a pace Seymour Butts could admire, with last nights 3-1 win over the wounded yet dangerous (and horribly named) Tampa Bay Lightning. Showing the slugishness of a team that hadn't played in nearly a week, the Bruins didn't find their skating legs until about halfway through the 1st, having gone done 1-0 on Marty St. Louis' 6th just 81 seconds into the game. Tank Thomas made a huge save on big Vin Lacavalier shortly after that kept the Bs in the game early. But if there's one complaint about Thomas, despite his stellar play, is that he should handle or attempt to handle to puck as little as possible. He's great right now but he's not a puckhandler. He once again had to rush back toward the net last night after failing to clear the puck, needing to abort mission, and nearly surrendering a goal in the process (it would suck to lose a playoff game because of a goalie's errant attempt to play the puck when it's the weakest part of his game).
 

Click for the rest of Rear Admiral's B's Blog

Just in case people are wondering this is totally what it's like at the Stool when I can't get the blog to work right.

"Don't even fucking look at me Jerry! Don't even fucking look this way! Dumb bitch! Where is Manzo? Is he dead? Don't fucking look at me!"

PS - Half of me thinks this video is fake, but I hope I'm wrong.

FOXBOROUGH - Junior Seau just can't say no to a Patriots team in need. The 39-year-old inside linebacker is prepared to once again abandon sunny Southern California and the comfort of semi-retirement to bail out New England coach Bill Belichick and an undermanned Patriots linebacking corps. After getting a call from Belichick and vice president of player personnel Scott Pioli Wednesday night, Seau was here yesterday meeting with the team and on the verge of returning for a third season with the Patriots and a 19th in the NFL. Seau's agent, Marvin Demoff, said early last night that Seau, whose flight landed at 3:45 p.m., could be signed by today, barring complications...

"[Junior] received a call from the Patriots that the situation now would be good for them if he wanted to play the last month or so," said Demoff. "He got on a plane to talk to Bill and Scott in person. Junior played many years in San Diego and played in Miami, too, but he had a unique feeling about the Patriots. Whatever transpired in the conversation [Wednesday] between Junior and the Patriots, it got him on a plane to continue talking."...

"With the guys in that locker room, and obviously the organization, there is such a great tie," [Seau] said. "I have a place in my heart for them forever. I wouldn't want to fight for anyone else but Kraft and Belichick." Demoff confirmed Seau wouldn't have considered a return with any other team. "If any of the other 31 teams had called, he would have appreciated the call and respectfully declined," said Demoff.

This is what all the bomb throwers out there... all the critics with their irrational hatred toward the Patriots and their personal vendettas against Belichick... will never understand. That this team, this organization, this coach, is special. Here you've got a lead-pipe-lock first ballot Hall of Famer, who played for three organizations and still remains the face of one (San Diego) and he's climbing down off a surf board (and off his hardbody wife) to come help out the Patriots in their hour of need. And he openly admits he wouldn't do it for any other team. You'll never hear this mentioned by the pundits when they're ripping Belichick for being such a Grumpy Gus or dressing like a slob or while they're saying he's no fun to play for unlike St. Anthony of Indianapolis whom every player supposedly wants to play for. Belichick is a football coach for football players who love to play football. Period. If you're in it to become a media star, get your end zone dance talked about by Deion Sanders on NFL Net, pack heat in nightclubs or spread the Gospel or whatever, there are other teams and other coaches better suited for you. But if you're a friggin winner like Junior Seau, there's no other place to play. That loud clanging you'll hear later today is the sound of Seau's iron testicles.

Click Here For More Pics of Jessica